New House
by daOoga
Summary: Naruto never planned this: living with the bastard, that is. First his mom got into that motor vehicle accident, and now he's in Tsunade's home, eating Tsunade's food...with Sasuke. Falling in love would be easy, if Naruto didn't have a dark past of his own haunting him in the high desert. SasuNaru.
1. Chapter 1

**1**

They were rugged, and grainy, like the brown sugar I left on the counter back home.

They were supposed to be mountains.

They weren't mountains.

That's what I told myself as I stepped out of the car.

My father leaned against the door. His hair swept with this strange breeze that smelled like sagebrush instead of sycamores. He smiled at me. He liked to smile. He was normally a placate man. The grip he had on those papers suggested otherwise.

I walked around, opened the trunk to our cutsie-yellow slug bug, and couldn't help but think it didn't belong here. I grabbed an orange suitcase I hadn't been able to call my own until this morning, and started up the driveway. It was smooth, unlike the alleged mountains. It rolled easily behind me. My dad was at the door. Toes snapping up and down with his hands on his hips and those papers crinkling into his palm, he waited.

The house was yellow, like that ugly vehicle my dad took endless delight in carting me around in. He'd painted it the summer of 1971. There were bright pink camellia's in the flower beds that hung from the windowsills. The lawn was dirt, but all the lawns were dirt. The backdrop: those mountains that weren't really mountains, and a blue, cloudless sky.

There was a shuffling behind the door, then it was open, and Tsunade was there. A guy stood behind her in his early twenties, or something like that. I didn't much care.

"Hi!" My dad's forced smile glitched under the onslaught of her firm scowl, which for a moment was more prominent than her chest. He handed her the papers. "Kushina wanted me to give these to you before I left. She would have given them to you herself, but…"

Tsunade didn't need further explanation. My mother was in the hospital, with tubes in her arms and tubes in her neck and tubes going down her throat. A breathing mask covered half her face. Her hair was red, not the natural red that used to spark like flames under the sun, but died brown and coppery with blood. Dried blood. And a lot of it.

My mom needed to recuperate, and my dad needed to be there for her when she did. She was fully conscious now, thank God. Enough so to write those damned papers.

My dad needed to take care of mom. Solution?

Send Naruto to Hell.

My dad didn't stay long. He exchanged a few pleasantries with Tsunade (which she didn't return) and made a bolt out the door.

Tsunade ushered me into the house. It was cool, air-conditioned. The furniture polished, slick, modern. Not at all what it looked like my last visit. At least it smelled the same—our family always had a thing for incense.

"What's for lunch?"

"When have I ever made your lunch, brat?"

Shizune howled _._

I set my suitcase by the stairs. So fucking hungry. Growwwwl. That's what my stomach said. Growwwwl. Give me food. Give me Ramen.

A hulk of black magically materialized, a plate of holy-shit-that-smells-good in his hands.

"Tsunade, Lunch is ready."

"Lunch, Sasuke? How thoughtful." She discretely tucked a twenty into his belt loop.

"My lunch?"

The guy's glare was intense. I almost took him seriously in that frilly apron.

"Just a sec."

He got a bowl (just my style: shiny, metallic) and…

In went Shizune's kibble.

Fuck. My. Life.

Tsunade's mouth made this little 'o' shape around her food, as if she were just remembering something. She swallowed. "Naruto, this is Sasuke. He's the maid."

"Hn."

* * *

A/N

 **The first chapters (1, 2, and 3) are short.**

 **Starting at Chapter 4, there will be a sudden increase in the length of the chapters.**

**Also, for readers who read my original chapters 1, 2, and 3: I tried to combine these chapters upon request. I didn't do this originally because I'd written them at different intervals, and thought the flow would be too disrupted. Upon reading it, however, I realized that the flow didn't seem as 'disrupted' as I'd originally thought XD Thanks for telling me reviewers! I would have continued my arc of short chapters forever XD

If this total disarrangement of the chapters screwed with you, I'm sorry :/

THANK YOU MY BEAUTIFUL BEST FRIEND AND BETA! I LOVE YOU!


	2. Chapter 2

**2**

I was on my bed, texting Kiba. He was where I wanted to be: home.

Home with the sycamores, with the peaches that were just turning ripe this season.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd come out here, but it was different now, and I couldn't tell if it was me, Grandma Tsunade, or the maid.

Jiraiya would have known.

But Jiraiya hadn't been here in a long time, either.

I closed my eyes. I was too hungry, too tired to think about it right now.

I fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**3**

I woke up on the floor.

Screaming, thrashing in the sheets.

Tsunade was there, rocking me back and forth, but I couldn't stop crying.

"Shhh, shhh," she said. Like she could make it go away. I hadn't had nightmares in over a year, but this place…

"It's alright. You're alright. Sasuke, can you draw him a bath?"

The maid was leaning against the door, his eyes in disinterested slits.

"Hn."

"I'm okay now." I said. I smiled at her, a sad smile that made her choke up a little. Then I was the one comforting her.

She punched me in the arm. I whelped.

"Don't scare me like that again, brat." She sniffled. Stood up, pulling herself together.

"I won't, Gran."

Sasuke was still against the door, now with his phone out. I guess he didn't plan on 'drawing the bath.' I glared. He raised an eyebrow. Fucking dick. Tsunade and him left without another word.

I wiped at my eyes, then my nose on my shirt sleeve. I thought of mom, all bloody like that. I wished I were a better son. Especially after the accident. My accident.

But I wasn't a better son, and I wouldn't dream about the blood, sticky and wet between my fingers as I combed through her hair, staring at the flames that surrounded us.


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

I changed out of my shirt, leaving it in a little pile on the floor with my pants. I'd have to ask Tsunade for a hamper, later. I thrust my hand under the water. Hot. Too hot. I jumped right in.

Steam over the curtain. My skin was pink, just from the water, but I scrubbed anyways and watched it turn, with morbid fascination, a lobster red.

I squeezed some shampoo onto my head, then some conditioner. Lathered the soap into a rag, scrubbed harder.

It was easier to forget here. So much easier to forget.

Someone banged on the door.

"I'll be out in a minute."

I dragged the washcloth under my arms.

Another bang.

I huffed. "Just a minute, I said."

Pissed off now, I took good extra five minutes toweling off, and another two getting dressed before I opened the door, biting back a smirk at the glower that greeted me. Sasuke motioned me forwards. In one hand, he carried a carton of cleaning products—Windex, all purpose, some type of toilet cleanser. With the other, he adjusted a pink plastic glove.

I suddenly felt like the biggest asshole for taking so long.

He was working, after all.

I slunk past him, careful not to bump into the cart. I moped in front of the TV a few hours before massaging my empty stomach. It was making all sorts of noises today. Sexy noises: Mewls, and moans, and curly-toed howls. Or maybe that was just me.

I sighed, finally getting off the couch after finishing a seventh episode of _Once_. The noises were starting to turn decidedly unsexy. Even I could make scrambled eggs.

Or so I thought.

Because in ten minutes my scrambled eggs were a charred lump of poop, the kitchen was in partial flames, and the fire alarm was making noises disturbingly like my stomach's.

WhooooOOoowhooooOOoo.

"The fuck!" A growl. "How even…?"

Sasuke had already grabbed his apron, beating out the flames. I kinda stood there like a deer in the headlights. Time was slowed down, and my mind kept going back to the last fire I'd caused.

I guess Sasuke noticed my crystallization, because next he was pinching me by the nape, dragging me behind him, where I then proceeded to throw up.

He got the flames under control in tops fifty seconds, but his eyes were murderous.

I looked at the kitchen. That 'polished' look was a little charred now, but didn't looked _too_ bad. I was pretty sure my eggs, as well as an unfortunate roll of paper towels, were the only casualties (as well as a stain on the carpet we would never speak of again).

Still, I could have died. If Sasuke hadn't gotten there, Naruto would have been deep-fried Naruto. It was weird to think I'd had similar thoughts a few days ago, under much more dire circumstances.

Then again, this could have become one of those _dire circumstances_ if Sasuke hadn't gotten there.

I looked at Sasuke. His apron was a bit fucked up, but other than that, he looked pretty composed. Not an askew hair in sight. My lips scrunched up, pretty sure I hadn't had the same luck.

Sasuke pushed against the wall with a sigh, heading upstairs; I rocked back and forth, barely noticing when he came back. He set his carton on the island, stretching the pink gloves over long, nimble fingers.

"Watcha doing?"

"Cleaning up your mess, dobe."

Before he could do that, Shizune barked, and then Tsunade was grappling me to the floor.

"My kitchen! My kitchen! What the hell did you do to my kitchen! _Naruto_!"

Perfect timing to come back from work, Tsunade.

I fingered the poop-egg. "All I wanted was some breakfast."

There was a deafening silence. I picked at my hair, adjusting my bangs so they covered my eyes. Tsunade clenched her purse, then dived for the sake that was inside it.

"BREAKFAST," Tsunade exploded. She eyed the carton of eggs near the stove, or what was left of it. The carton itself was charcoal black. Pretty sure that's not how she bought it. "Do you mean to tell me EGGS DESTROYED MY KITCHEN."

I eyed the poop-egg. "Yes."

She took a swig.

"Well," I scratched the back of my head. "At least nobody got hurt."

She slapped the back of my head, then ruffled the hair affectionately. "I suppose you're right, brat."

"Go take a shower," she said, still sitting on top of me. "You look like shit. Come back downstairs when you're done."

Two showers in less than twenty-four hours of each other—shit that was awesome.

I squirmed out from under her ass, climbing up the stairs.

The water was too hot. Just the way I liked it.

I scrubbed my arms, which were red ( **déjà vu** , anyone?), but not from the water, but Tsunade's umm, disciplinary methods? If you could call sitting on a child a disciplinary method. A sooty puddle dribbled down the drain.

Creeeeakkkk.

"Is someone there?"

No one answered.

I soon forgot about it, continuing to rinse my hair. It wasn't until I turned off the water did I see the present Tsunade had left for me on the toilet seat.

A lacy apron. A cuffed, coy dress, that maybe ended mid-thigh. High knee stalkings. A pair of high-heals.

I almost laughed, remembering the days Jiraiya used to leave Tsunade's costume shit in my bathroom. Almost. It had kinda been mine and gramps thing. He only did if I'd done something particularly bad, and even then, not even meant as a punishment. More as a way to make me feel better. Tsunade had probably meant it in a similar fashion, but it had the opposite effect. It made everything hurt _worse_ knowing Jiraiya wouldn't be there when I made my entrance. Plus, I wasn't comfortable wearing a cosplay maid outfit in front of a very real maid downstairs.

I wrapped a towel around my midsection, tried the counter for my extra pair of clothes. Nada. I wrung open the door, zipping to the extra room on the—left was it?—that I was staying in.

The room was dry. A white bedding, a simple view from the window. The dresser was even blander, with no pictures leaning against it, or stickers, or any nicks of the sort to indicate use. I'd left my clothes in my suitcase until I could roughen it up a bit.

So, to the suitcase I went. It was already open, though. And nothing was in it. Should have expected that. Those were the rules Jiraiya had played by back then, as well.

"Tsunade, where the hell did you put all my clothes!"

"I thought I left a perfectly legitimate outfit in the restroom."

I stomped down the stairs, a playful scowl on my face. Thump, thump, thump. "I wouldn't call that old cosplay costume an _outfit_. Who knows what kinky shit you did in that thing."

She looked up from this mysteriously chunky (if you catch my dirft) shit she'd been cleaning up off the floor, her eyes narrowed into playful slits. "I wouldn't piss me off, brat. I got your clothes in the safe, and you won't get to wear them at school if you don't get your ass down here in five minutes with that dress on."

But I wasn't listening after 'safe.' I was freaking out because holy fuck, did Tsunade have the most impressive, fingerprint safe that had ever been seen on God's green earth. She'd spent an absolute fortune on it. Didn't quite know what she used it for, but I was guessing it wasn't knapsacks and dollies. Shitshitshit. I wasn't very worried about school (she'd never do that to me, even if she was a sadistic bitch). But Sasuke was still there, and he'd perked from his counter at the words 'kinky', 'maid', and 'shit.' His expression hadn't changed, but I couldn't shake the suspicion he was amused.

Then another word caught my attention. "What do you mean _school_?"

"I meant what I said. School."

"I'm going to school?"

"You didn't honestly think you didn't have to go to school while you were here, did you?" She laughed. A crinkle formed behind my brows. Her eyes widened. "Naruto, of course you have to go to school!"

"But, but I just thought, since I'm only gonna be here a couple weeks, I can make it up at—"

She suddenly became confused. "You call _a year_ a couple weeks?"

"Wha-what?"

My knees began to shake.

Her eyes widened in horror. "Didn't Minato tell you?"

I didn't answer. It felt like all the breath had left my lungs.

"That stupid son of a bitch…" She murmured. "I'll call him right now. There must have been some misunderstanding." She pulled out her phone, but before she could dial the number, she met my eyes. She had bags underneath them. She looked so exhausted, and it was all my fault. "You help Sasuke clean up. He does a lot around the here. He could use an extra set of hands, especially with you just about burning down the house." Her tone was light, teasing. Fake. She abandoned the spot on the floor in favor for moving into a different room.

For once, I didn't know what to say.

A year. A whole year.

I made my way down the stairs.

I shouldn't have been so surprised. I'd left my mom with a million broken bones, a broken face, arteries that were popping out of her skin.

I shouldn't have been surprised.

Sasuke handed me a sponge. He didn't ask any questions. Didn't even raise an eyebrow when I came over to him half naked, asking what he needed help with: _The Floor, for starters._

Then again, he'd probably heard enough of the exchange to know not to ask.

Every now and again, the towel would drift away from my thigh. I was scrubbing the floor now, trying to get the poop-egg to loosen its grip on the tile. Bleach. Scrub. Repeat.

A whole year.

How was I going to survive here a whole year? Already on my second day, I'd almost burned down the house. Sure, I was used to that shit (let's just say I wasn't the easiest person to live with), but Tsunade? She wasn't gonna last a week.

I glanced at Sasuke. He was working pretty hard on the cabinets now. They were charred, but not unfixable. His mouth was taught. His fingers pinching the sponge like a claw. Even with pink gloves, he looked pretty damn intimidating. He blushed a little.

"Dude, your dick's hanging out."

I covered myself, my face turning red. "Is not."

"I'm pretty sure I saw a dick."

My face was on fire. So on fire, that I thought it would resemble poop-egg in just a minute if I didn't do something about it.

"I'm just gonna—"

I left.

Up the stairs, into my room. Breath in. So embarrassing. I felt my cheeks. So warm. Breath out. I must have stayed in my room like that for thirty minutes. Breath in. Breath out. A whole year. Gosh, I couldn't look at that idiot another _second_ and I was expected to see for a _whole_ _fucking year._ I bit my lip. Not so fast, Naruto. It could have been a misunderstanding. Don't torture yourself like that.

"Brat! I thought I told you to help Sasuke!"

And I was making Tsunade so unhappy, too. She'd just wanted to poke some fun at me, maybe lighten the mood. I'd wrecked her kitchen and she was trying to make _me_ feel better. Was that twisted or what?

"Naruto!"

Making a quick decision, I grabbed the uniform. Discarded the heels, but upon consideration, put on the stalkings. They'd hide more skin. The black thong, unfortunately, was a must. Sasuke wouldn't be having any close encounters with my dick anytime soon.

With the dress finally on, I plastered on a smile. I didn't bother with a mirror before I took off towards the kitchen.

When I saw Tsunade, scowl in place, I made a pose. "How do I look?" I asked.

The bastard looked me up and down, then smirked. "You make a pretty shitty maid."

I glared. "Not as shitty as some people I know."

Scowl.

This is what I'd been so scared of?

It was _so_ worth it to see that smile sparkle on her face. It was such a rare smile for Tsunade. The most precious. While she howled with laughter, I started working on my poop-egg. I was becoming quite fond of it, to be honest.

"I didn't think you'd actually put it on," she said after we'd gotten the kitchen looking semi-presentable. There was chuckle in her voice that there hadn't been earlier. "But I'm glad you did. Felt like old times."

It was like a punch to the stomach. "Old times indeed."

"I do want you helping Sasuke while you're here, though," she paused. "Not as punishment or anything, just as something to keep you preoccupied during your stay here. I talked to Minato about it. He thought it was a good idea."

A little displeased frown on Sasuke's part.

I ignored him, laughing. "I have needed a little preoccupying lately, I guess." _If it makes her less worried…_

That frown was definitely a lot more prominent.

"So it's settled then." She stood up, adjusting her skirt. "Well, I'm off to bed. Drive home safely, Sasuke." She handed him a good seventy bucks.

He bowed. Closed the door behind him.

I almost didn't want to ask. "So what did my dad say, about…" I tugged at the hem of my skirt.

With her back still turned to me, she said:

"I'm sorry, Naruto."

And suddenly, I didn't want to know anymore.

* * *

A/N

Chapters will only get longer from here *thumbs up* I'm thinking of combining chapter 2/3 with an additional dream scene. It won't be necessary to read for the plot, but it might be nice for new readers. Tell me your thoughts! :)

Thank you MY BESTIE for BETA-ING *luvs* *kisses*


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